embracing each other’s story
Authoring our Shared Anthem
by Frank DiGirolamo
“Wow! … You just listened to my whole anthem.”
It was late at night, years ago, on North Broadway in Capitol Hill. “Miguel” had just recited his life story to me for a good 20 minutes. He called it his “anthem.” To a passerby, I’m sure it looked as though Miguel was verbally assaulting me, but I knew better, because I was up close, listening to him. I learned later that most people have walked away from him while he tries to share. He says they can’t take his intensity. I confess to you, reader, that I spent much of those 20 minutes debating how I might get away but ultimately defaulted to deep prayer for this kind but tortured man.
Anthems are stories, typically defined by their uplifting nature, revealing a triumph over adversity. Miguel’s story got to the triumph, eventually, after a lengthy, winding procession through darkness. It was his life. The pains of acute trauma, giving way to years of chronic struggle, finally finding some light and new life.
Years later, I am thankful that something kept me anchored there on the sidewalk with Miguel. His anthem reminds us that our story is not over until it’s over. For Miguel, his painful youth has ultimately given birth to his deep desires for his daughter to have a better life than he had. He is now willing to sacrifice deeply so that she does not have to suffer like he did.
My name is Deacon Frank DiGirolamo, ordained with the Catholic Archdiocese of Seattle. Since 2012, I have been a voluntary street chaplain with Operation Nightwatch, providing non-judgmental presence on the streets of Seattle. Affirming the dignity of everyone I meet, I’ve been blessed with the honor of listening to many “anthems.”
Photo: The Garden Outreach
The streets are filled with stories, and they are embedded with a lot of suffering, for sure. However, in the midst of even the most tragic stories, I have consistently heard strong themes of hope. Many faiths speak of a multi-phase path to ultimate truth. In the Christian tradition, there is a recognition of a three-fold path to God. It begins with purgation, continues with illumination, ends with ultimately finding unity. In plain speak, perhaps Miguel just needed to unload some stuff that night. To let God and me, his brother, carry some of it. It was a privilege to be with him. In the grand scheme, it made room for God to enlighten both of us and provide a new foundation for our relationship going forward.
I now serve as the executive director for Nightwatch, and our various ministries (from street chaplaincy to hot meals, emergency shelters, senior housing, and basic medical care) place me in contact with members of multiple, intertwined communities: our clients experiencing homelessness and our volunteers, neighbors, donors, and collaborators in the service sector. Nightwatch recognizes our opportunity to be a vehicle for the broader community to listen to each other’s “anthems” and, in the long run, to begin authoring our shared story of triumph over adversity.
Moving Forward Together
The theme of this issue of The Interfaith Observer is “Stories That Lead Us Forward.” I am honored to have been invited to share my perspective.
To begin, I would suggest that in the theme of this issue the word “Together” is implied. I can’t imagine any story of progress being an individual thing. In fact, when people ask me what I believe is the big, long-term solution to homelessness, I always lead with things like “relationship healing; forgiveness; apologies; reconciliation, and a recognition that we need each other.” These things are peppered throughout the many thousands of stories I’ve heard throughout the years. Some highlights in these stories:
A yearning to move from grudges to forgiveness. “Peter” sits with me at our meal center, close to tears. A frail man in his 70’s, he quietly shares that he longs to forgive his step-father for something that happened 65 years ago. The lack of his ability to forgive, he says, has him “in shackles.”
Transitioning from rejection to community. The most common, deep hopes I hear involve things like “sitting around a big table with family, everyone smiling, and enjoying a big feast together.” Everyone seems to want this. No one seems to think they are worthy.
Valuing relationship over finances. “Steve” sits at the waterfront all day, openly weeping. Dollar bills are dropped at his feet, but that’s not what he truly wants. After many hours, one lady sits down with him for five minutes and says “hello.” His eyes light up in recounting the moment, “THAT five minutes was worth a million bucks!”
Moving from abandonment to adoption. In the back of our nightly food line, we pleaded with a young lady who had just been revived from an overdose – trying to encourage her to receive medical evaluation while she recovers. “You are loved. You are worth living.” She is unable to receive the offer, but several bystanders say, “Wow! You are loving her. We don’t tend to get that out here. People are always just cruel.” Another man is moved to tears as we remind him that he is loved, “Thank you… It’s literally been years since anyone has told me that.”
The line for our nightly meals is always long. Food insecurity is a reality, and we must continue our meal services. However, relationship insecurity is far more of an issue. It lies at the heart of everyone’s story of adversity, regardless of one’s housing status.
I love how those two things naturally go together. Food and relationship. What does it look like to gather people for common nourishment? Perhaps it begins with literal tables, and then expands to anywhere we can see, know, and hear each other.
Photo: Operation Nightwatch FB
Our clients at Nightwatch hunger for more than food. For more than an emergency bed night. And our collaborators, especially the faith communities, long for more than just service hours. They yearn to do far more than cook and provide food. Both groups desire to participate in welcoming the other who is currently a stranger. We all long to be reconciled.
One of the most encouraging situations Nightwatch has been invited into is the opportunity to host our emergency overnight shelters in loving communities. We have begun to operate these places of rest & revitalization within faith communities. Beyond the practical amenities of food, laundry, showers, storage lockers, case management and medical care, the biggest amenity by far is the opportunity for long-separated brothers and sisters to begin listening to each other, and to start writing a story together. By being truly present with each other we are collectively finding hope and healing, laying the foundation for new chapters in our lives.
Being Part of a Shared Anthem
A final event from the streets comes to mind. It is simultaneously chaotic and inspiring. Literal and metaphorical.
I call it “From Death to Life, with the Help of Friends.”
A young man experienced a drug overdose on the late-night street outside of our meal center. 911 was called. Meanwhile, a crowd of friends and strangers rushed in with great urgency. It is quickly apparent that there is not much official training in first aid, but the group feverishly tries their best. They help each by offering and receiving suggestions of how to proceed. They repeatedly called the downed man by name amid the chaos. Seconds seemed like minutes. 911 had not yet arrived. They feverishly continued their efforts to stabilize him. Then, the return of a pulse!! All of the emotion ripples through the crowd. There is relief and rejoicing. All because friends and strangers rushed to help the one most in need.
We all have traumas, adversities and even various types of addictions that we use to numb our pain. How beautiful to be seen, known, loved, feverishly helped, and called by name in the midst of our chaos.
Photo: Freerange Stock
Stories aren’t neat and tidy. There is conflict, adversity, antagonists, and protagonists. The Psalms from scripture famously include deep lament as well as joyous praise.
Perhaps such is life on this journey toward reconciliation.
Inspired by Miguel and many others who have openly shared their stories and invited me into them, I encourage us to rush toward every opportunity to listen to each other deeply. Listen through discomfort and resist the temptation to flee, appreciating that the story is never over until it’s over and that we need each other to finish it. All so we might someday, united with Miguel and each other, proclaim loudly, “Wow! We are authoring a shared anthem!”
Header Photo: Pexels